2011年6月9日 星期四

Discussing effect - 1

    Acton is a small town in the Midwest. Stanley Manufacturing decided to open a large factory in Action. This will bring many people to the community. Some people are excited about the positive effects the new factory will have. I think it is a good thing to Acton. First, the factory will bring more jobs in the Acton. The factory can make the people in Acton or another place want to come to this town to bring a job. That can promote the economic of Acton. I consider that Singapore is a good example. The place in there is very small. But they rejected there natural environment. They set two property which the other country didn’t want to bring – a lot of casino and petrifaction property. After all, there is a good geographic location to doing business. So there are a lot of possibility things in Singapore. In this century, people compete to any job. Just hope can bring enough money to live.
張貼者： 於

9 則留言:

  1. 椿茱2011年6月14日 清晨6:18

    The factory can make ~ to bring a job. That can promote the economic of Acton.
    -> The factory can provide many vacant position for the locals, even appeal to foreigners, which can promote the economics of Acton.
    But they rejected there natural environment. -> rejected可以改成gave in to
    倒數3 After all怪怪的
    倒數2 a lot of possibility things
    -> a lot of potential
    people compete to any job -> compete with~~
    這句(人們競爭工作?)
    結論句很奇怪，感覺前後不能呼應
    還有啊!! 這篇會不會偏題了呢?! 這篇不是在討論他的影響嗎?! 後面怎麼都在說新加坡了……

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  2. 靖苡2011年6月15日 晚上10:38

    After all, there is a good geographic location to doing(do) business.

    結論怪怪，可以改成：
    In this century, people compete (for a) job and just hope to earn enough money to live.

    我覺得你舉新加坡設賭場之類的那個例子還不錯，還有對到主題和你的意見，可是表打方面沒有很好，有些地方怪怪~
    ex：The place in there is very small. But they rejected there natural environment.
    你可以再檢查一下哪不通順，改完了他就是一篇不錯的文章唷~~ 很有邏輯和條哩，有進步欸!:)

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  3. 珍儀2011年6月15日 晚上10:39

    in Acton or another place
    -->in Acton or in other places

    to bring a job.
    --> to look for a job.

    economic -->economy

    我覺得這段離題了
    因為這裡都在說新加坡 但主角是那家在acton的工廠 所以這裡不但篇幅佔太多,內容也和主題不太相關 要重寫喔~

    The place in there is very small. But they rejected there natural environment. They set two property which the other country didn’t want to bring – a lot of casino and petrifaction property. After all, there is a good geographic location to doing business.So there are a lot of possibility things in Singapore. In this century, people compete to any job. Just hope can bring enough money to live.

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  4. 曉芸2011年6月15日 晚上10:48

    Some people are excited about the positive effects the new factory will have.後面應該不是接擁有吧~改成帶來才是正確的喔EX:bring~
    First, the factory will bring more jobs in the Acton
    工作後面可以接opportunity(工作機會~我覺得這樣更好喲)
    The factory can make the people in Acton or another place want to come to this town to (bring a job.)這句不對~
    可以改成The factory is capable of drawing more people to get here to locate the job.
    我覺得這一大段從I consider that Singapore到in Singapore有偏離主題的感覺~
    雖然說是可以舉相同的例子來舉證但是這個例子佔了你整篇文章的一半~我覺得很不妥~畢竟這篇最主要的point還是在探討factory帶來的effect~所以我覺得這部分斟酌刪除會比較好~

    In this century, people compete to any job=>compete的用法是在後面+with/against/for沒有to喔~改一下喔~

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  5. 爾雅2011年6月15日 晚上10:50

    倒數第五行The place in there is very small. But they rejected there natural environment. 這2句可以合併
    然後你的結論句看起來好像沒有完結的意思 修改一下比較好

    By the way, 這次文章有進步耶~~~而且還有舉例XDDD
    繼續加油!!

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  6. 惠芳2011年6月16日 清晨6:42

    I think it is a good thing to Acton.
    是for喔~

    The factory can make the people in Acton or another place want to come to this town to bring a job.
    是to have a job喔~

    So there are a lot of possibility things in Singapore.
    這句的最後怪怪的~有點偏題瞜~

    結論有點奇怪~
    不過有進步喔~
    錯誤的地方有減少了~
    持續加油吧=)

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  7. XUAN (13)2011年6月16日 清晨7:02

    你前面用了文章給的線索敘述了一大段
    然後突然說你很贊成 我覺得有點連不起來耶
    你可以說
    Some people are excited about the positive effects the new factory will have, and I have no exception.

    First, the factory will bring more jobs in the Acton
    >> First, the factory will bring more job opportunities in the Acton

    The factory can make the people in Acton or another place want to come to this town to bring a job.
    這句話完全不知道在說啥...


    lily~~
    非常建議你要打不確定的句子之前
    先問問看兩三個同學
    也不用讓同學花很多時間幫你改
    你也不用修改那麼多唷!!
    加油了=_=

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  8. 佳穎2011年6月16日 清晨7:21

    the factory will bring more jobs in the Acton
    in改成to喔~
    The factory can make the people in Acton or another place want to come to this town to bring a job. -->have a job
    然後錯誤幾乎上面的同學們都改囉~
    我就不改了(偷懶

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  9. 玲儀2011年6月16日 晚上7:38

    Acton is a small town in the Midwest. Stanley Manufacturing decided to open a large factory in Action. This will bring many people to the community.
    >>>>文章可以多加一點連接詞
    I think it is a good thing to Acton.
    >>>>>這句有點口語化
    The factory can make the people in Acton or another place want to come to this town to bring a job.
    >>>>sorry! 什麼是bring a job


    有些用語還是要注意喔:>

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