In our life, over the past 150 years there has been a huge increase in population. Why was this thing happened? What the reason can make it become such as huge change? I think it is a good question to explain. In the population, I think there are a lot of question we can be search. First of all, I think advances in medicine and health care is a lot of difference than before. The century advancement makes medical treatment more progress, and cures more people. Second, the better sanitation also makes this world clearly. The personal accomplishment is better than before. People would pick up the garbage into the trash. Third, people improved farming methods that produce more and better food, and make us eat healthily. Last not the least, fewer infant deaths and more people living longer. Because people’s efforts. There are a lot of changes about the world. We have to pressure the thing we have.
1. over the past 150 years there has been a huge increase in population--there has been a huge increase in population over the past 150 years.會比較順
回覆刪除2. Why was this thing happened?-->Why did this thing happen?
3. What the reason can make it become such as huge change?--> What kind of reason can make it become such a huge change?
4. I think it is a good question to explain.-->
I think it a good question to explain.
5. In the population, I think there are a lot of question we can be search.-->I think there are a lot of questions we can search for the population.
6. is a lot of difference than before-->have a lot ~
7. I think advances in medicine and health care~
advances前面要加the因為後面有介係詞片語
8. and cures more people-->more and more people are cured of.因為前面主詞是物要改成被動
9. People would pick up the garbage into the trash.-->People would pick up the garbage on the ground and put into trash cans.
10 people improved farming methods that produce more and better food--->produce more amount of corps
11. Last not the least,--> Last but not the least,
12. fewer infant deaths and more people living longer.--->The mortality would reduce and the older will live longer due to people's efforts.這可以跟後面那句because~合併會比較好~
There are a lot of changes about the world. -->是in the world喔!
a lot of也可以換成several之類的。
然後最後一句結論句pressure的意思"對...施加壓力; 迫使"....
要改成appreciate珍惜才對喔不然意思會變成反面的o__o
thing 要+s喔喔喔~
文章有很多重複的句式喔~可以修一下
:d
In our life, over the past 150 years there has been a huge increase in population.
回覆刪除>>>>there have ...
In the population, I think there are a lot of question we can be search.
>>>In the population, I think there are a lot of questions we can search.
有些用詞要注意:>
In our life 這個不用吧
回覆刪除Why was this thing happened? → Why did this thing happen？
→ How come the population make such a huge change？
I think it is a good question to explain. In the population, I think there are a lot of question we can be search. ㄜ 這兩句不是種點，是要寫cause唷！
→ First of all, I think advances in medicine and health care are a lot different than before
→ The progress medical treatment cures more and more people.
→ Second, the better sanitation also makes this world clearly. The personal accomplishment is better than before. People would pick up the garbage into the trash.
你第二點完全沒提及為什麼衛生好人口會增加唷！
Last not the least, fewer infant deaths and more people living longer. →→→所以＠＠？！你的supporting idea 呢？
Because people’s efforts. There are a lot of changes about the world. We have to pressure the thing we have. = 結論句寫的不好 =
In our life, over the past 150 years there has been a huge increase in population.
回覆刪除-->In our life,there has been a huge increase in population over the past 150 years.
Why was this thing happened?
-->Why did this thing happen?
What the reason can make it become such as huge change?
-->What are the reasons that make it such a huge change?
I think it is a good question to explain.
--> I think that it is a good question to be explained.
In the population, I think there are a lot of question we can be search.
-->as for population, I think there are a lot of questions that we can do research on it.
First of all, I think advances in medicine and health care is a lot of difference than before.
-->First of all, I think there are so many advances in medicine and health care now that it has made a great difference from before.
The century advancement makes medical treatment more progress, and cures more people.
-->The improvement makes medical treatments more progressive,which cure more people.
Second, the better sanitation also makes this world clearly.
--> Second, the better sanitation also makes this world clear.
People would pick up the garbage into the trash.
->People would pick up the garbage and throw it into the trash cans.
Third, people improved farming methods that produce more and better food, and make us eat healthily.
-->Third, people have improved farming methods that produce more and better food,which makes us eat more healthlier.
Last not the least, fewer infant deaths and more people living longer.
-->Last but not the least, fewer infants die and more people live longer.
Because people’s efforts. There are a lot of changes about the world.
-->Because of people’s efforts, there are a lot of changes to different kinds of areas such as food and sanitation.
We have to pressure the thing we have.
-->as a result, we have to treasure all the things we have.
這篇幾乎每句都有錯誤唷
寫得時候要注意很多事 句子一定要順暢讓人看得懂
錯誤也要注意 寫完後自己重新看一遍確定別人可以看得懂妳在說什麼 還有不確定的字或句型不要亂用
第一句over the past 150 years there has been a huge increase in population
回覆刪除years後面加逗號比較好
第二行 Why was this thing happened 是did 後面 happened用原型 happen
What the reason can make it become such as huge change
reason後面加which
such as huge change 是 such a huge change
第三行 I think there are a lot of question we can be search. question要加s 後面是we can search
第四行I think advances in medicine and health care is a lot of difference than before.
difference是名詞 所以is要改成have
倒數第五行The personal accomplishment is better than before. People would pick up the garbage into the trash. 這2句可以併成一句 the personal accomplishment前面加連接詞 前後句子會比較通順
by the way 金龍says:捲Co的第10點要改一下
people improved farming methods that produce more corps which make us eat healthier.
倒數第三行fewer infant deaths and more people living longer 後面可以加上他有甚麼影響
Because people’s efforts. There are a lot of changes about the world. 可以合併
pressure要改成appreciate才對~~
In our life, over the past 150 years there has been a huge increase in population.
回覆刪除(~over the past 150 years, there has a huge growing of population)
Why was this thing happened?
(How can this happen??)
What the reason can make it become such as huge change?
(What is the main reason that leads to the huge change?)
I think it is a good question to explain.
(I think it is a good issue to discuss)
In the population, I think there are a lot of question we can be search.
(as for~there are a lot of issue we can argue)
First of all, I think advances in medicine and health care is a lot of difference than before.
(~advances of medicine and treatments become much more different than ever before)
The century advancement makes medical treatment more progress, and cures more people.
(the centuries of advancement~)
People would pick up the garbage into the trash.(~看你是要留pick up還是throw into garbage~選其中一個吧~不然整句看起來很怪)
Third, people improved farming methods that produce more and better food,
(~produce much more better food)
Last not the least, fewer infant deaths and more people living longer.
(last but not the least~and people live longer than before)
Because people’s efforts. There are a lot of changes about the world.
(beause of~,there~)
這篇文章錯誤和不順的地方很多喔~
再寫每一個句子的時候都要確定這樣寫是對的才能寫喔~
盡量少寫一些自己不確定的句子或句型用法~
加油喔>//<
In our life, over the past 150 years there has been a huge increase in population.
回覆刪除前方In our life可省略!!!
I think it is a good question to explain.
可改為思考~ I think it is a good question for us to think about.
因為前方有提過了In the population, I think there are a lot of question we can be search.
這句可省略~
People would pick up the garbage into the trash (can).
忘記加can了~
Last (but) not the least, 才對喔~
結尾要再更有力一點=)
1st Why was this thing happened? -> What triggers the situation?
回覆刪除What the reason ~change? 這句可以省略
I think it is a good question to explain. -> I think it is a good problem to discuss..
4th The century advancement makes medical treatment more progress, and cures more people.這句錯了
century advancement是什麼東西?? medical treatment是一個專有名詞 而且不是這樣用的)
倒數四 personal accomplishment不懂??
People would pick up the garbage into the trash. 這句錯了 而且這不算是一個原因吧 建議替換掉
倒數二 Last not the least -> Last but not the least要記清楚喔!
Because people’s efforts. There are a lot of changes about the world. We have to pressure the thing we have.
Thanks to people’s efforts, there are a lot of changes in the world. (( change感覺怪怪的
然後 最後一句的結論很奇怪
結論句記得要前後呼應呢!
In our life, over the past 150 years there has been a huge increase in population.
回覆刪除>> There has been a huge increase in population in our life.
Why was this thing happened?
>> Why this thing happened?
注意happen是沒有被動的唷!!!
such as >> such a
I think there are a lot of question we can be search.
>> I think there are a lot of questions we can be searched.
is a lot of difference than before.
>> has a lot of difference than before.