My friend and I are looking for an apartment to share near campus. I saw two descriptions of apartments on the Internet. My friend and I decided to choose one from these two. There are very different to each other. Fairfax Apartments has large two bedrooms and have furnished. However, CAMPUS APTS only have one bedroom and unfurnished. If I live in CAMPUS APTS, I need to buy furniture. After we think twice, we decided to rent Fairfax Apartments. Because it’s not too expensive that the entire thing is done. We think it is wonderful to us.
My friend and I decided to choose one from them.就可以嘞!!!
回覆刪除There are very different to each other.
這句感覺怪怪的~
可改成There are something different between each of them.
比較的部分太少了~
可以多做些比較擴充篇幅!!!
這樣文章就會更有趣喔=)
We think it is wonderful to us.
這裡可以用more suitable代替~
這次的結論有進步!!!
可以朝這方面努力><
Fairfax Apartments has large two bedrooms and have furnished. 動詞單複數要一樣喔
回覆刪除There are very different to each other.是different from喔 !
CAMPUS APTS only have one bedroom and unfurnished
unfurnished前面要加一個be動詞
然後阿~Because it’s not too expensive that the entire thing is done.這句與法結構有錯喔
很多他給的線索都沒有打出來喔
回覆刪除這樣不足以支持你選擇哪間公寓的論點
而且跟其他人相較之下篇幅蠻短的...
Because it’s not too expensive that the entire thing is done.
回覆刪除這句的意思我看不懂欸
這篇 可以把他所提供的資訊全部做比較這樣會顯得你的文章更充分 例如租金 之類的 都行 這樣不但使你的篇幅增加 也不會顯得 語意不足 還有你這篇有結論句 就比上一篇好很多:D
加油喽:)
文章再長一點會比較好喔
回覆刪除可以多寫一些你們選擇這間公寓的理由
或是公寓本身的條件對你們有什麼影響
這樣文章會更完整
My friend and I decided to choose one from these two.
回覆刪除>>>from the two
If I live in CAMPUS APTS, I need to buy furniture.
>>>這具有點多於
Because it’s not too expensive that the entire thing is done.
>>>Because it's not too expensive for us for the it is furnished.
可以家一些有關於小細節的內容讓文章更豐富
全文也可以增加些連接詞讓文章更緊密
:>
恩~這篇很短呢~
回覆刪除我覺得其實長度不是問題只是要能把文章寫的豐富度要出來的話就我們現在的能力還是得寫長一點會比較好喔~
不然的話感覺就只是單純的列點喔~
加油><