2011年4月6日 星期三

Describing a Process - 4 - How to do plan a trip

   Planning a trip can be easy and have sense of achievement. Have you ever planed a fantastic trip? I planed a trip in winter vacation and went with my friend. First, I need to decided where and when to have a trip and who would go with. For example, Taipei International Book Exhibition began in winter vacation. There were two of my friends like the book and want to go with me. Because of our parents, we just can go to Taipei two days. Then, you need to take a place to live. So I went to find a cheap and clean hotel in Internet. It is very important. If you did not find a good hotel, you would feel unhappy in those two days. After that, I need to sure where the place was and how to went there. The MRT in Taipei was very convenient. You can go to any place where you want to go. Planning a trip is fun and easy. You can get a wonderful trip with your friends.
張貼者： 於

8 則留言:

  1. 佳穎2011年4月13日 晚上10:57

    1.have sense of achievement應該要打a sense of吧~

    2.I planed a trip in winter vacation 要加in a winter vacation喔 不然會變成每個寒假都計畫旅遊
    3.first可以改成to begin with/firstly等等會更好喔

    4.第3行who would go with少了me
    5.There were two of my friends like the book and want to go with me.直接寫two of my friends其實就可以了然後go with me盡量避免重複

    6.Because of our parents, we just can go to Taipei two days.這句要改成for two days
    前面那句改成Because of our parents'regulatons可能會比較好
    7.Then, you need to take a place to live. So I went to find a cheap and clean hotel in Internet. It is very important. If you did not find a good hotel, you would feel unhappy in those two days. After that, I need to sure where the place was and how to went there. The MRT in Taipei was very convenient. You can go to any place where you want to go. Planning a trip is fun and easy. You can get a wonderful trip with your friends. 這一整段人稱不能從i跳到you喔 因為主角一開始就設定是你了 所以只能打i

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  2. 曉芸2011年4月13日 晚上11:22

    第三段的最後面的主詞應該改成你，不然會有混淆的嫌疑

    First, I need to decided where and when to have a trip and who would go with.=>to 後面接原型動詞

    There were two of my friends like the book and want to go with me. =>應該是喜歡"看書"而不是喜歡書吧

    Because of our parents, we just can go to Taipei two days.=>just是剛剛好的意思，放這邊很奇怪，應該是改成像是only會比較好吧!two days前面要加for

    you need to take a place to live=>take放ˋ在這邊很奇怪，改成找尋find會比較好吧

    I need to sure where the place was and how to went there.=>應該是改成make sure,to後面接原型

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  3. 椿茱2011年4月13日 晚上11:38

    Planning a trip can be easy and have sense of achievement.
    →Planning a trip can be easy and be a sense of achievement

    第二行 planed → planned

    I planed a trip in winter vacation and went with my friend.
    →I have ever planned a trip in my winter vocation together with my friend.

    First, I need to decided where and when to have a trip and who would go with.
    如果need為助動詞→ First, I need decided on the schedule for my trip and who would go with me.

    第六行 Taipei for to days 後面的need同上
    第七行 in the Internet
    倒數第三 I need to sure where the place was and how to went there.
    → I need to make sure where my destination is and how to went there.

    最後The MRT in Taipei was very convenient. You can go to any place where you want to go. Planning a trip is fun and easy. You can get a wonderful trip with your friends. 這段很突然!!
    怎麼捷運突然跑出來了,而且主詞也換人了,還有這裡需要多點連接詞和幾個句子不然會很唐突

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  4. 靖苡2011年4月13日 晚上11:50

    第一行是a sense of achievement

    可以改I had. I planed a trip this (or last比較不會怪怪)winter vacation and went with my friend.

    三：改成What I did first was to decide where and when to have a trip and who would go with.

    Because of our parents, 她們怎樣勒，可以說清楚一點唷

    倒數五 應為in the Internet

    It is very important to find a good hotel because you would feel unhappy in those two days if you lived in a bad hotel.比較好

    倒數四的I need to 可以不要，然後改為make sure where to go and how to get there.比較好吧，看你。

    倒數三可改為You can cosider the MRT. It is very convenient in Taipei. 比較不怪

    倒數二這句You can go to any place where you want to go.有點冗贅

    結論句有點怪＠＠

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  5. 珍儀2011年4月13日 晚上11:50

    Planning a trip can be easy and have sense of achievement.
    是has唷
    改成Planning a trip can be easy and it will make you have a sense of achievement.

    I planed a trip in winter vacation and went with my friend.

    First, I need to decided where and when to have a trip and who would go with.
    to 後是加原形decide
    改成未來式看起來比較好:I have planed a trip in winter vacation which I will go with my friend.
    整篇過去式和現在式的建議穿插的不太通順

    There were two of my friends 這句會有兩個動詞,後面加改成who like the books and want to go with me.

    Because of our parents, we just can go to Taipei two days.
    for two days

    結尾如果改成Planning a trip is fun and easy which will make you have a wonderful trip with your friends. 會更好

    在寫作的時候要多注意語句的順暢喔~

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  6. XUAN (13)2011年4月18日 上午9:09

    Planning a trip can be easy and have sense of achievement

    要改成
    Planning a trip can be easy and will have a sense of achievement

    建議你多看一些英文閱讀或是別人的文章
    減少中式寫法的習慣~

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  7. 爾雅2011年4月20日 晚上10:59

    Well.....時態怪怪的...
    整篇看來是在寫你之前準備旅行的經驗
    那用過去式比較好喔
    而且既然是自己的經驗 文章中還是別出現you need to.... 人稱要一致
    如果要教人怎麼準備旅行的話 文末也可以加上一句"你可以參考我的經驗去準備旅行"...之類的話 這樣會比較好喔XDD

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  8. 惠芳2011年4月20日 晚上11:52

    I planed a trip in winter vacation and went with my friend.
    這句可以改成Take my trip for example.....
    Because of our parents, we just can go to Taipei two days.這句有點多餘~
    還有一些訂車票、規劃行程和打包行李可加上去!!!
    這樣文章會更豐富喔!!!

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