Rainy day always makes me sad and blue. And it also makes me think an unforgettable thing.
One day, my boyfriend who has associated with me almost three years ago. That day is a memorial day of us. Although, it was rain, we went to see a movie and go shopping in a mall. Everything is wonderful. After that, we went to a coffee shop to drink a cup of coffee. He said he was fall in love with my best friend, Lily. At that moment, I felt my heart broken. He said sorry again and again. I couldn’t think anything and ran out the coffee shop. Because of rain, I couldn’t see the road. When I had no ideas and walk under the rain with no purpose. A car suddenly came out the road and almost hit at me. When I think I must be died. My boyfriend pushed me out and strike by a car. He died in this accident. He left me but he also saved me. This thing really makes me feel worse.
I don’t like rainy day because bad memory records this terrible thing in my mind.
And it also makes me think an unforgettable thing.句首用and好像不太好~
回覆刪除has associated with 是在一起的意思媽???
是不可以用be with 比較好呢???
A car suddenly came out the road and almost hit me.就可以嘞喔!!!
故事很不錯喔!!!超酷的~
但是...好像要給多一點理由喔!!!
第一行 makes me think ~ think →recall
回覆刪除第二行不用空格喔:D 還有後面那一句 如果是你和你男朋友交往三年應該不用加"ago" 而且第二行不構成句子喔 因為整句為修飾語沒動詞欸:))
He said he was fall in love ~ was要刪去喔
walk under the rain → walk in the rain
When I think I must be died. think→thought
strike by a car是甚麼意思?
He died in this accident. He left me but he also saved me.
→In order to save me, my boyfriend sacrifice his own life.
整體上算是通順:D 不過句子有些零散,可以將某些部份的句子合併為一句 並且在加上一些句子,避免前後語意不同
One day, my boyfriend who has associated with me almost three years ago.
回覆刪除我覺得用date會比associate好,然後和男朋友的事應該是以前發生的,要用過去式
my boyfriend who has been dating with me for almost~
(for加時間唷)
That day is a memorial day of us.
改成That is a memorial day to us.
Although, it was rain, we went to see a movie and go shopping in a mall. Everything is wonderful.
and前後動詞時態一致唷
He said he was fall in love with my best friend, Lily.
不用was唷
When I had no ideas and walk under the rain with no purpose.
and前後時態一致,然後應該是in the rain
purpose不太好,可改成destination
When I think I must be died.
死的形容詞是dead喔
My boyfriend pushed me out and strike by a car.
應該是被撞,用被動
He left me but he also saved me.
這句結構怪怪的唷:He left me; however, he saved me at the end of his life.
然後呀~雖然他跟你分手但是他又犧牲生命相救
感覺上應該還是會感激他,畢竟他都掛了
所以應該不至於因為這樣討厭雨天,如果你是因為分手看不清路被撞,感覺會有那種真的很慘以至於雨天就想到這件很慘的回憶
結尾有點倉促,應該要在總述一下不喜歡雨天的原因比較完整
And it also makes me think an unforgettable thing=>and 改成moreover不然會有太多and重複出現
回覆刪除That day is a memorial day of us.=>改成that day is really meaningful for both of us會不會比較好呢?
Although, it was rain, we went to see a movie and go shopping in a mall. =>改成~To our disppointment, it was raining, so we~
After that, we went to a coffee shop to drink a cup of coffee.=>to have some drinks(應該不用寫的那麼細喔~
A car suddenly came out the road and almost hit at me.=>at 不用喔~
He said he was fall in love with my best friend, Lily.=>前面可以加all of a sudden突顯文章的轉折喔~=ˇ=
ran out the coffee shop要加of 喔~
Because of rain加上heavy會不會比較好呢~
When I had no ideas=>前面好像有類似的了~這裡應該就不用重複再提了吧~
When I think I must be died. My boyfriend pushed me out and strike by a car.=>when I thought that today would be my time of death~
strike=>struck
He left me but he also saved me=>but 後面怪怪的~應該是me and I was survived because his sacrifice
我覺得最後面的原因可以拉更長~更多~增加更多文章的豐富度喔^^
A rainy day 可數唷~
回覆刪除→Every time it rains, I recall an unforgettable thing which happened three years ago.
→It was a rainy day and I had a date with my boyfriend. We went to see a movie and shopping in a mall.
Everything was wonderful before we went to a coffee shop. At the coffee shop, my boyfriend told me that he fell in love with my best friend, Lily.
我覺得He said sorry…again. 這句不要
→At that moment, I felt my heart broken and couldn’t think anything.
→I was so sad that I ran out the coffee shop.
→I wandered around in(不知道對不對) the rain aimlessly.
→All of a sudden, a car rushed straight to me.
→When I was almost hit, my boyfriend appeared and pushed me.
→I was saved ,but my boyfriend died in this accident.
結尾不好唷~ 有點像是亂趕出來的~~
be associate with 字面上是交往的意思 但其實是表示人與人之間的來往、交流
回覆刪除你可以用 he and me has been together
it was rain >> it was raining
go shopping >> wnet shopping
in a mall >> at a mall
Everything is wonderful >> Everything was wonderful
He said he fall in love with my best friend, Lily.
ran out the coffee shop >> ran out of the coffee shop
Because of rain >> Because of the heavy rain
When I had no ideas and walk under the rain with no purpose. 這不是一個完整的句子 而是要 When s+v, s+v...
在雨中不是under the rain 而要用in
came out the road >> came out on the road
When I think I must be died. 這也不是一個完整的句子.而且時態錯誤 >> When I whought I must be dead.
pushed me out >> pushed me away
切忌不要再以中文的想法直翻成英文~~
1. has associated with 是陪伴的意思嗎?那改成has kept me company since three years ago.
回覆刪除2.第3行it was rain,要改ｉｔ ｗａｓ ｒａｉｎｉｎｇ
3.Everything is wonderful要用was
4.When I had no ideas and walk under the rain with no purpose. walk要過去式喔!
5. hit at me直接用hit me就可以了
6.When I think I must be died.要用過去式喔
我發現你後面都變成現在式了
7. strike 的被動式你好像打錯了呢~
8.He left me but he also saved me. This thing really makes me feel worse.
這句語意接不起來呢
你可以改他既傷了我的心但卻又救了我 讓我心情很複雜等等
9.最後的結尾太倉皇了喔
很可惜 雖然文法上有一點錯誤但是故事內容排的還不錯o_<
Rainy day always makes me sad and blue.
回覆刪除>>>A rainy day always makes me sad and blue.
單複數記得喔 !
And it also makes me think an unforgettable thing.
>>>And it also makes me remember of an unforgettable thing.
One day, my boyfriend who has associated with me almost three years ago.
>>>用associated with有點怪
>>>one day, my boyfriend who has gone with me for almost three years.
go with 有跟誰在一起之意
That day is a memorial day of us.
>>>That day was an unforgettable day for us.
對全文記得注意時態的一致性
Although, it was rain, we went to see a movie and go shopping in a mall.
>>>Although, it was rain, we went to see a movie and went shopping in a shopping mall.
Everything is wonderful.
>>>Everything was wonderful.
After that, we went to a coffee shop to drink a cup of coffee.
>>>之後可以用afterward,we wnt to a ...
He said he was fall in love with my best friend, Lily.
>>>He said (that) he was fell in love with my ...
At that moment, I felt my heart broken.
>>>建議你可以改成At that very moment, I felt my heart broken
He said sorry "to me" again and again.
When I had no ideas and walk under the rain with no purpose.
>>>可以改成I had no ideas and wandering in the street in a heavy rain.
When I think I must be died.
>>>時態的一致性When I thought that I might be died.
My boyfriend pushed me out and strike by a car.
>>>...pushed me out and struke by the car.
寫的很有畫面:>
加油:>
第一行 And it also makes me think an unforgettable thing. 想起是think of喔
回覆刪除第四行 Everything is wonderful. 是在過去的時間發生的 所以是was
後面的 He said he was fall in love with my best friend
fall 是動詞 要改成 He said he fell in love......
倒數第四行 When I think I must be died. 還是過去的時間 用thought
中間的部分寫得還滿精彩的 可是結論句有點短耶.... 如果加長的話會比較好喔~