There are two driver’s licenses in police office. Both of them want to take the driver’s license back. When they see each other, they can’t believe that they look similar. Stephanie Brooks has brown eyes and black hairs. Likewise, Ann Friedman has brown eyes and black hairs. Stephanie’s height is as high as Ann’s. For their surprise, the birthday of them is the same day. They think they like twins. After that, they become friend.
Both of them want to take the driver’s license(s) back.
回覆刪除They think they (are) like twins.
比較的部分沒錯!
也有用不同的句型~
There are two driver’s licenses in police office. driver's=>drivers'才對唷撇錯地方了
回覆刪除they look similar然後是資料一樣不是長相喔!
For their surprise是to their surprise喔
the birthday of them is the same day
要改成the birthday of theirs is on the same day
in police office.-->in the ~~
回覆刪除Both of them 這裡的them是代名詞所以是指前面的two driver’s licenses 應該改成Both of their owners
They think they like twins.
-->they are like twins
like是介係詞
After that, they become friend.
friend-->friends
這篇的文章可以寫成有點故事性的感覺嗎??
回覆刪除For their surprise, the birthday of them is the same day.=.for改成to喔
the same day 前面要加上on喔~~~
two drivers’ (撇錯) licenses 應該是in thee office
回覆刪除第二句邏輯怪怪，可以改為：Both of their owners came to take their driver’s license back.
When they saw(覺得要用過去式) each other, they can’t believe that they look similar(她們沒有長得很像唷! 只是有很多地方一樣→they can’t believe that they have many similar things. )
→倒數二Stephanie is as tall as Ann.
→For their surprise, they were born on the same date. (因為不確定birthday可不可以加s，所以我就改另一種方式，參考看看吧。ˇ。)
最後→They thought they were like twins, so they became friends afterward and kept no secrets from each other.
你的這兩篇文章都缺少轉折詞，會讓看的人覺得再看一則條列式的列單，不太有趣。
再來就是你的每個句子都接的讓我覺得好倉卒，不流暢、好卡! 你應該多想想再把最好的感覺寫出來唷~
There are two driver’s licenses in police office.Both of "them" want to take the driver’s license back.
回覆刪除>>>這裡指的them是指drivers' licenses嗎??
如果是這樣不可以用主動喔!
When they see each other, they can’t believe that they look similar.
>>>應該要改成
When they met at first sight,they could't believe that they looked such similar to each other.
用過去是比較好
改成met at first sight可以避免與下文有重複性
Stephanie’s height is as high as Ann’s.
>>>Moreover,Stephanie is as high as Ann.
文章可以加些連接詞來提高文章的連貫性
此外句子應該是這樣喔!!
For their surprise, the birthday of them is the same day.
>>>To their surprise, each of their birthdays are on the same day.
是To someone's (n.)
They think they like twins. After that, they become friend.
>>>全文其實用過去時態較為妥當
同樣的
可以加多點連接詞和轉折詞:>>
主動被動記得分清楚 :>>>>>
Both of them want to take the driver’s license back
回覆刪除這句話又是很明顯的中文邏輯
然後文章太少囉
可以在補充說明其他事情不只是單單的把講義上給的資訊打上去而已
Both of them want to take the driver’s license back.
回覆刪除// Both of the two owners want to retake their driver's licenses
they look similar他們只是眼睛的顏色,頭髮,身高一樣而已呢!
並不代表長得像喔
For their surprise//To their surprise
the birthday of them is the same day.
//the birthday of them is on the same day.
拉─長─吧─
文章少了些連接詞當潤滑劑呢!
這樣會使你的文章顯得有些生硬喔: )
加油喽:D
文章有點短耶...再加長一點會更好
回覆刪除第一行 Both of them want to take the driver’s license back.
因為前面沒有提到他們是誰 所以一開始不要用代名詞
倒數第二行 For their surprise
是to their surprise
最後一行 they become friend 這是過去發生的事 應該是用became
還有句子之間加上連接詞會比較順暢喔~~