There are two important Americans, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson. They have the same experience.
Both of them are important person in the American Revolution. When they were students, John Adams studied and practiced law. Likewise, Thomas Jefferson studied and practiced law. And they delegated to the Continental Congress. John Adams was a signer of Declaration of Independence. Similarly, Thomas Jefferson was a signer of Declaration of Independence. Both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson were presidents of United States
There were most incredible thing between John Adams and Thomas Jefferson. Both of them died in the same day, July 4, 1826.
They have the same experience.
回覆刪除這句話有點太主觀了!可以加一些修飾辭!
And they (both)delegated to the Continental Congress.這樣比較有比較的感覺!
both of 有點用太多次了!可以多嘗試別的用法!
中間可以加一些連接詞或是轉折詞進去
回覆刪除看起來比較不會像單純的列句子而已唷唷喔:">
both if 用了滿多次喔~可以換成其他的用法喔~
回覆刪除句子跟句子之間我覺得可以加上一些其他的轉折辭增加文章的豐富喔!!
There were most incredible thing between John Adams and Thomas Jefferson. Both of them died in the same day, July 4, 1826.最後可在短短的感想喔~
There were most incredible thing between John Adams and Thomas Jefferson. -->There were too many incredible things between John Adams and Thomas Jefferson.
回覆刪除喔~其他被講走了
→第一句John Adams and Thomas Jefferson not only are two crucial Americans but also have some same things.(因為後面會再提到important所以這便用crucial就不會重複到比較好)
回覆刪除不用分段吧:)
→第三行Both of them are important person in the American Revolution.
When they were students → 這句我覺得不用
第五行And they delegated to the Continental Congress. 這句可以用老師給的句型寫一下唷~
你整篇的句型用法太少，有點乏味＠＠ 可以看一下老師的講義再寫應該會比較好唷。ˇ。
轉折詞加一個也可能會使整個文章感覺更好唷!
John Adams was second U.S president, and Thomas Jefferson was third U.S president.
回覆刪除這邊可以改成
John Adams was second U.S. president and so was Jefferson.
There were most incredible thing between John Adams and Thomas Jefferson.
這具前可以加個連接詞
否則有點突然:>
Both of them died in the same day, July 4, 1826.
>>>Both of them died on the same day, July 4, 1826.
記得是用on喔
記得全文時態的一致性
還有連接詞可以使用多一點比較有連貫性
Both of them are important person
回覆刪除>> Both of them are important persons
And they delegated to the Continental Congress.
>> And they were delegates to the Continental Congress.
There were most incredible thing
>> There were most incredible things
整篇文章有點生硬
盡量不要條列式的舉出來
這樣有點像在報告事情@@
They have the same experience.
回覆刪除//They have many of the same experiences.
they delegated to
//they were delegated to
There were most incredible thing between John Adams and Thomas Jefferson.
這句話改一下吧! 挺怪的?!
died in the same day//died on the same day
痾...因為都只是句子,把它們都併在一起吧!不然感覺挺零散的
利利同學,你在趕時間嗎XDD 文章的步調好快呢!!
多加點元素,可以是整篇文章看起來更加流暢喔:)
第一句 They have the same experience.
回覆刪除因為是過去的事情 所以應該是had
第五行they delegated 應該是they were delegated
然後句子之間可以加上連接詞 會比較順~