2011年3月2日 星期三
A special experience
I once lived in Taipei , and worked as a volunteer in a hospital. It really felt good to get the opportunities to help people. One morning an elder woman was walking into the hospital and said she felt bad. She was diagnosed as heart disease and needed to be hospitalized for her disease. Because she was a mysterious person and no one knew where her families were, I took care of her and talked to her. She was just like a knowledge base. She knew a lot of things that I did not know. After a few months, she was still sick and got worse and worse. I did my best way to take care of her, but her health did not get better. One day, a bad news that the old lady died at night. She got a serene smile when she lied on her bed. To my surprise, a nurse got a paper to me. It said that the old lady got her legacy to me. She said she was appreciating that I do for her. This thing told me to give your help to other; you can get more than your help.
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沒退兩格唷!
回覆刪除One morning an elder woman was walking into the hospital and said she feel worse.
felt吧 不用worse bad就好吧
The doctor diagnosed the illness as heart disease and needed to be hospitalized to cure her disease.
應該為She was diagnosed as heart disease and needed to be hospitalized (for her disease).
But she is a mysterious person and no one knows where her families are. So I took care of her and talked to her.
應該為Because she was a mysterious person and no one knew where her family were, I took care of her and talked to her.
家人不可數唷!(整篇應該都是過去式)
She just likes a knowledge base.
likes 意思是像嗎? 如果是,這句應該為She was just like a knowledge base.
After few months ago, she still was sick and got worse and worse.
應該為After a few months, she was still sick and got worse and worse.
....加油
非常感謝你的幫助~
回覆刪除This thing told me to give your help to other; you can get more than your help.
回覆刪除這中間的連接不知道可不可以用;喔!!!
可以用and!!!
倒數第四行 I did my best way 可以改成did my best
回覆刪除She was diagnosed as heart disease and needed to be hospitalized for her disease.
回覆刪除diagnose搭配with
After a few months, she was still sick and got worse and worse.
worser and worser愈來愈差~
One day, a bad news that the old lady died at night.
a piece of bad news
One day, a bad news that the old lady died at night.
the night before
She said she was appreciating that I do for her.
She said that she was thankful for what I had done for her.
the opportunities 改單數應該會比較好
回覆刪除This thing told me to give your help to other; you can get more than your help這句有點不通~
It really felt good to get the opportunities to help people.->改成to help people who are in need.會不會比較好?
回覆刪除One morning an elder woman was walking into the hospital and said she felt bad.->One morning, an elder woman walked into the hospital where I worked for and said that she felt worse.這樣會不會比較好?
I did my best way to take care of her
回覆刪除可以把way刪掉
One day, a bad news that the old lady died at night.
寫 one night, the old lady died.就ok了
She said she was appreciating that I do for her.
變成 she said she appreciated what I did for her
It really felt good to get the opportunities to help people.可以改成It was very good for me to get such good opportunities to help people.
回覆刪除She knew a lot of things that I did not know.可以改成She knew a lot of things what I did not know.
I did my best way to take care of her, but her health did not get better.可以改成 I did my best way to take care of her, but her health became worse and worse.
=)